Disease to Please

Are you a chronic people-pleaser?  Do you find yourself saying “yes” to every request, even when you really want to say “no”? Well, you might just be suffering from a common affliction known as the “Disease to Please”.  Symptoms include excessive apologising, needing to be liked and accepted and worrying what others think, not having clear boundaries with a tendency to put everyone else’s needs before your own.  Does this ring true for you?  It does for me…  and I recently realised that while trying so hard, I was not being valued which then triggers deep sadness linked to my childhood traumas.

How do we do this?

Does this serve you in the long run??  What if by doing this you are hooking into their reality and lessons.  We often do this unconsciously just to fit in.  For example, how many people around you have been talking about how quiet everything is. Business being slow, with all the supposed reasons for it: Schools started later in January, the end of tax year, planetary shifts,  people waiting to see the outcome of the elections, looming unrest, climate change…  I have heard it all and oh my, we are all such magical masters of our realities.  Whatever we focus on we lock in place and then feed – creating the expected reality.

What Sticks Us?

In Gauteng we have become masters at blame and shame.  And yes, I get that it is often very valid – the state of our roads, crumbling infrastructure, electricity outages and lack of water.  We had no water for 11 days recently.  Seriously… 11 days because some idiot forgot to switch on the valve.  It is really hard to raise the energy of consciousness when you are surrounded by angry, frustrated people with a short fuse.  We are all far more intuitive than we know and this means that we can be affected by the collective energy even if we are not listening to the news or vested in the story.

So, how do we change this?

Dont listen to the stories, dont believe or repeat them as this solidifies them and makes them real and very hard to bundge  (which is why it took 11 days to find the actual problem with the water issue).  If it comes into your awareness – either through hearing about it, or noticing that your mood or energy levels have taken a dive – then keep asking (over and over) What will it take to change this and Who does this belong to?  Just asking these questions moves us out of owning it, and lets our higher self know that it does not belong to us – so it begins to unravel and you are then able to return to your own peaceful state of mind with more ease.

Put YOURSELF first

Most lightworkers or therapists have chosen their path because of their deep need to support others and to awaken them.  They often have a saviour complex and negate themselves in the process.  You may find that you are feeling frustrated and dismayed at what you see happening around you, which then escalates to anger and then deep grief.  What if there is a much deeper reason for this.  Perhaps we are clearing eons of trauma from humanity and the planet.  Remember that we chose to do this, and allow yourself to feel it and then release it for all.  Truly value yourself and the massive amount of work you have done on yourself and for the planet.  Take some reflective time out, and really think about what you and your body would love to do, even if it is only for a brief time every day… and then do that.

We have the perfect oppotunity to do this with the holidays coming up.  So there are no distractions and excuses.  If you need rest – be a couch potatoe or even better, lie outside under a tree and connect with the earth. Notice, with deep gratitiude, the gifts the insects, birds and animal kingdom bring you – just by you being aware of them.

Speak your Truth 

Find your voice and speak up for what you want and need, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Your opinions matter, so don’t be afraid to share them. Embrace your inner rebel by saying “no” more often and watch as the world doesn’t come crashing down around you. It’s liberating, I promise! You can do this in a kind way, offering alternatives. Set boundaries and learn to say “yes” to yourself and “no” to others when necessary. Your time and energy are precious commodities, so use them wisely.

Practice self-care:

Treat yourself to a bubble bath, a good book, long walks in nature, regular therapy sessions. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup!

And most importantly, surround yourself with supportive people: Seek out friends and family who appreciate you for who you are, not just what you do for them. True relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding.

Invite More into your Life

And then practice the energy of receiving.  Drop all your barriers and be willing to receive.  Enjoy the feeling of the breeze on your skin and receive it with gratitude.  Pay your bills with ease and gratitude – being happy to acknowledge the service you are paying for – rather than begrudging the costs.  I happily pay my  bond and am grateful for the amazing home and space that I have created.  I then invite others to come and play in this gorgeous energy, knowing they will be nurtured just as I am.  Do this with every account you pay, acknowledging the gift in the exchange.  When you give with ease, you open the energy to receive, which invites a constant reciprocal flow of energy.  This has changed my life – hope it supports you too.

Remember, breaking free from the “Disease to Please” won’t happen overnight, but with a little humor and a lot of awareness and self-love, you can overcome this addiction and live a more authentic and fulfilling life. So go forth and start putting yourself first for a change. Your happiness depends on it!

Until next time

Penni